Beyond Blessed

I mentioned in my last post, I’ve had a little graft vs host issue. It is a complicated subject, but they actually want you to have a little of it, but not too much, and not for a long time. If I understand it right, my sister’s marrow is attacking my body. She is creating an “antileukemic effect” . Her marrow is forming cells that are attacking my cells (some of which could be undetectable leukemia). So, the cells she forms helps fight off the leukemia. Thus, graft vs host may be what I need to get rid of the cancer forever. Now that I have it, they want to get rid of it and not prolong the effects. So, I am back on immune suppressants and steroids to help control the issue. Upon hearing this news, I was disappointed. The immune suppressants will delay my T cells from developing at a faster rate. I need the T cells in order to be freed from my “house confinement”/such a germ freak. The steroids cause insomnia (why I’m writing this post at 3am), hunger, and a puffy face( no pictures of me for awhile! ). Basically, I’m progressing at a slower rate and back on a meds I despise.

BUT, after a week of dwelling on the matter, getting over my pity phase, I’m fine now. I realize that my situation could’ve been much worse. Some people with graph vs host have symptoms in the GI track and can’t eat for several weeks till it heals. My symptoms were just increased liver enzymes, red skin, and mouth sores, which have all cleared up. Also, maybe this is just what I needed to kick this cancer.

With my last visit to St. Jude, it seemed like I found out more bad news concerning other kids I knew. I’m always excited to go back and visit all the friends I’ve met, but hate hearing about relapses. It made me evaluate my progress and each day I realize more and more how blessed I am. What did I do to be so lucky? Sure, my life is not always rose colored, but I have everything I could possibly need and much more. I’m so glad I don’t operate my life because I would’ve said, “oh no, please don’t give me that trial, I don’t think/want to handle that”. When in reality, I have grown so much from my trials. The Lord knows us, He knows what we can handle, and what we need to grow. While I may not have this attitude during the trial, in the end (not always immediate) I realize what I’ve gained. I am beyond blessed and have witnessed miracle after miracle in my life for which I am ever grateful.